Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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