I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
