True but thats because hes a fetus.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
