put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize