im about as happy as oj after his trial
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
