Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
