Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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