I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
