question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
