I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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