Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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