so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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