the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
