I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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