My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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