So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
