Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
