Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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