Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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