Me. At least after what I've been through.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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