i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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