Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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