Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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