does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
