i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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