the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
