And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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