I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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