You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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