I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
