butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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