True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
