dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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