I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS