Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win