He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off