Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you

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  (708): oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you http://tfl.nu/ee4s
  Replies (11) Good night (1571) Bad night (2950)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

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  (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu
  Replies (18) Good night (4422) Bad night (779)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar

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  (248): it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar http://tfl.nu/5trr
  Replies (12) Good night (3152) Bad night (2114)
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  (631): View more from New York

  life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...

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  (631): life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs... http://tfl.nu/upvm
  Replies (11) Good night (720) Bad night (5669)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken

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  (508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken http://tfl.nu/dqor
  Replies (17) Good night (993) Bad night (5957)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat

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  (440): the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat http://tfl.nu/81cx
  Replies (11) Good night (3111) Bad night (1437)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."

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  (843): I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with." http://tfl.nu/8haz
  Replies (2) Good night (1688) Bad night (713)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?

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  (865): Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale? http://tfl.nu/nfui
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (2157)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.

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  (724): So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress. http://tfl.nu/pksn
  Replies (7) Good night (4101) Bad night (668)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  Ok let me change into clothes i can run in

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  (586): you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer (1-586): Ok let me change into clothes i can run in http://tfl.nu/bmel
  Replies (10) Good night (2932) Bad night (686)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?

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  (715): Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend? http://tfl.nu/ol2o
  Replies (7) Good night (1468) Bad night (579)
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  (310): View more from California

  I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle

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  (310): I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle http://tfl.nu/8b8w
  Replies (6) Good night (1344) Bad night (578)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.

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  (516): She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location. http://tfl.nu/ak9e
  Replies (8) Good night (1335) Bad night (698)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too

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  (205): You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too http://tfl.nu/0dl3
  Replies (5) Good night (621) Bad night (321)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?

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  (615): Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH? http://tfl.nu/vznl
  Replies (7) Good night (337) Bad night (405)

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