this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass