Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

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(914): View more from New York

my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet

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(205): View more from Alabama

I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(586): View more from Michigan

from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.

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(347): View more from New York

It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself

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(614): View more from Ohio

You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.

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(914): View more from New York

You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle

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