so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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