I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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