Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
