look no pants
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
