Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
