New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
