you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
