Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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