I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
