I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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