That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
