I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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