she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
