The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
