I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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