she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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