i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
