i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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