4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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