I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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