at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
