The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
