Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
