i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
