thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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