If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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