You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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