I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
