Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
